Girl on girl hate is a huge problem, especially in tech.
I’d wager that you’ve seen it, been through it, and worse yet, have done it.
We inconspicuously check another girl out, internally judging her. We give her an evil glare when she’s not looking, as if she’s doing something wrong by merely existing. And inevitably, we roll our eyes at her for being prettier, better dressed, looking cuter in glasses, having a skinnier waist, higher IQ, coming up with better ideas, and getting more laughs than us.
Hate + Hate = Hate
The outcome to this seemingly harmless act? I promise, nothing good. We literally get nothing out of it all. It doesn’t make us any better off, and it doesn’t lead to a more positive outlook. It leads us down a path of self destruction.
It says to your consciousness “I’m not good enough.”
How can you ever flower into the best version of yourself if you can’t love and respect other women just like you?
Ya’ll know I’m right.
We’re the STEM of the Issue
The root of why women are not in STEM roles may be discouragement early on, sexism and hostile environments, but women are the stem of the issue.
Girl on girl hate at work is the worst. Out of everyone in the entire office environment, “she” is most likely to understand you, help you through challenges, support and encourage you. Instead we see competition, become fearful for our own well-being and treat her as the enemy. We put selfishness above comradery.
How is any woman supposed to succeed in a place like this?
Ctrl+Alt+Del Your Inner Hater
If we spent the time we do picking apart and judging other girls to empower them instead, the world would be a very different place. There would surely be more leaders like Virginia Rometty, Susan Wojcicki, and Sheryl Sandberg. We could do amazing things together, especially in the STEM industry which is in dire need of more girls.
Whether you’re in a mall with a group of friends, at lunch with colleagues, or you’re all alone in your own thoughts, it’s up to you to shut down judgmentalness.
Examples of how you can turn hateful thoughts into love instead:
- “Wow, she’s so pretty. I really respect how well she takes care of herself. I should love myself more.”
- “I respect how she shares her ideas. I should take the same initiatives about the things I care about.”
- “She is very extroverted. I bet a lot of girls could learn how to speak up from her. All the power to her.”
Lead by Example
When you have control of your own thoughts, you can control what comes out of your mouth. And when you can control both, you can lead others through the same deliverance.
Monkey see, monkey do. Or in the case of gif above, cat see, cat do. If you show others how supportive you can be, they’re bound to follow suit. Or at least they’ll leave you out of their negative, gossipy messes.
If we start leading instead of hating, we will set an example for other women that’s truly worth following. Like @iiSUPERWOMANii showcases in her inspiring campaign #girl love (video below), and the numerous organization supporting women in tech, like ChickTech and Girls in Tech Toronto.
No one talks about it, but girl on girl hate is a huge problem in tech. We need to start talking about it.
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